Good, Better, Best

Recently, my editing professor gave the class a list of five ways to make a story better. He then asked us to look at two stories, one from The Daily Mississippian and one from the Florida Times-Union, to see if those elements were present.

Allison Wing’s article “Over exercising leads to joint pain, fractures” (The DM) contained some but not all of those elements. The story affected ordinary people because it could potentially prevent someone from an exercising-induced injury. The story was written to warn people against over-exercising. However, the story’s “nut graph” is the fifth paragraph. It should be much higher in the story.

For the article, Wing interviewed Jenny Wilson, a graduate student at the Turner Center; Barbara Collier, director of University Health Services, and Dr. Kim Beason, associate professor at the Turner Center. Collier and Beason are typical authorities for this type of story. Wilson seems to be an nontraditional authority figure. However, Wing missed the mark by failing to interview students or people who had suffered from injuries related to over-exercising.

These are the key questions I gleaned from the article: How are students over-exercising? Is the trend increasing? Why do students over-exercise? What are the effects of over-exercising? What is considered an ideal amount of exercise? What other age groups are over-exercising?

Bridget Murphy’s “Hitching at the Crossroads” (The Times-Union) was an example of a story that embodied all five elements. It affected ordinary people by informing them that not all hitchhikers are shady characters—but some are. Basically it was written to tell a story about a group of people that is often misunderstood.

Murphy used almost strictly nontraditional authorities: Town & Country waitress Naomi Engle and hitchhikers Kenny Bramlett, John Gotti, Belinda Kashella and Lance Moravits. She got a quote from a trucker who picked up con artist Kashella. Murphy also talked to authorities who had arrested Kashella previously and listed a hitchhiking law from the Florida Highway Patrol.

These are the key questions: Why is this person hitching? Why is Engle jaded to hikers? How long has this person been hitching? What are the dangers to hitchhikers? How do they make money? Do hitchhikers take any ride that is offered? Where is this person going and why?

Five Steps to a Better Story:
1. Who is affected by this? The answer should be ordinary people, not officials.
2. How are people affected by the news?
3. Why is the story being written?
4. Who are the authority figures? Are there some that are not identified?
5. What are the key questions?